Two’s report, from Bob Lethaby.
The Oakley Second string entertained fellow strugglers, Sherfield on Saturday. The game was played in damp and overcast conditions, with plenty of moisture in the air. It was far from a quintessential English day.
The Oaks batted first, and lost Steve Savage early, followed by Jeff Triner on the next ball. This left The Oaks reeling at 26-2. However, an excellent 60 run partnership between Kalum Sapumanage and Kris Tucknott, pulled things round. The highlight of this cameo was Kalum giving some back to an increasingly annoying Sherfield fielder.
After the said fielder tried to claim that Kalum was hitting the ball to him every time, Kalum hit a four to cow corner. He then used his bat to point at where the ball landed and said, “Hey Dan, where were you?”
After Kris departed for a well-constructed 34, and Will Rabley for just one, Jack Brundle came in and built a good partnership with Kalum worth 40 runs. Kalum eventually went for an obdurate 25. When Dave Bowers (15) and Jack for a decent 29, departed, The Oaks appeared to be looking at a low score.
However, an entertaining late cameo from Bob Lethaby and Jeff King, put on a further 30 runs. This was before Bob went for an obligatory last over haymaker. A chaotic heave, where thin air was brutally punished. This must have pleased the “Say what I like, like what I say”, obligatory Yorkshireman, who had nearly exploded in anger when telling Bob not to run on the pitch. Jeff remained unbeaten and The Oaks had posted a credible 174.
Defending the Total
Some great early bowling left Sherfield reeling on 10-2 and The Oaks looked in command. Once again, the youngsters, Herbie Hamilton and Noah Beckell, were starring, ably backed up by the more seasoned members of yet another eclectic Oakley line-up.
Sherfield didn’t seem to have much in the way of batting. Well, not until the player who had annoyed the shit out of everyone when fielding, decided to annoy the shit out of everyone when batting. Gesticulating, head shaking, laughing, and sneering, he was the type of bloke who would make a day out with Timmy Mallet, seem more appealing.
Mallett: Less irritating than the Sherfield all-rounder
The problem was, he could also bat, and he punished anything wide or short. With the scoreboard now motoring along, all that The Oaks fielders could do, was wait for that one chance to come. And come it did.
The Dropping of the Match
A skewed shot off the bowling of Herbie Hamilton, fizzing high into the grey sky, headed in the direction of Bob Lethaby. Bob ran in from the boundary with all the grace and speed of someone in over-sized builders’ boots, attached to the boundary fence by a bungee rope. Remarkably, he got in line with the ball, at which point he showed the catching ability of Stevie Wonder with hands that had been dipped in a bucket of Castrol GTX.
The ball hit Bob on the chest, went through his hands, then rolled down his leg at approximately the same speed as the vomit rising from his stomach into his throat. It was an awful moment, where misery met glory and misery won. A timely reminder that Father Time waits for no man; especially a man whose vision gets worse the nearer a cricket ball gets to him. The only consolation for Bob was that it could just as easily been his skull that took the blow.
The Oaks kept going and further wickets did come, with Noah Beckell taking two in two; but the annoying chap stayed firm, despite losing partners. Other wickets went to Jeff Triner, Herbie Hamilton, Dave Bowers and Jeff King. At 8 down, Sherfield held on as emotions ran high. The obligatory Yorkshireman, now umpiring, ruled out a clumsy looking run-out (probably fairly) Jack spilled two catches, and Steve Savage dropped a tricky one in the last tension filled moments.
The Coup De Grace
The coup de grace came from Jeff King. Determined to get the last two wickets, Jeff tried too hard, bowling a wide. Absolutely fizzing with anger, Jeff went to kick the wickets over, but with a caveman like shriek, he somehow stopped his foot, just before impact. There was a collective sigh of relief, but it wasn’t too last.
Jeff bowled another wide. Again, a caveman shriek, this time accompanied by a four-letter expletive not suitable for a family club, website. This time, Jeff couldn’t hold back, and his right boot obliterated the stumps. It has to be said, it was an exquisite volley. Everyone fell silent for a second, before the obligatory Yorkshireman took his life into his own hands, by telling Jeff to calm down.
Thankfully, Jeff did calm down and Sherfield edged to victory, the winning run coming from the annoying chap. We knew what was coming. That’s right, he celebrated like Ben Stokes after he had rescued the 2019 Headingly Test Match. Credit where credit is due, his unbeaten 85 was the only noteworthy score Sherfield posted. It really was a genuine one-man victory and he batted very well.
All was forgotten soon afterwards and Sherfield, a good bunch of guys overall, hung around for a beer and some fat chewing. The Oaks had the consolation of hearing the First XI had registered their first win of the season, in what was an equally thrilling encounter. As a club we are one, so hearing our chances of staying in Hampshire County 2 getting a needy boost, was uplifting news.
Bob arrived home and Jennifer asked, “How was cricket?”
“I’m off for a shower, could you pour me a brandy?”, came the reply
Cricket eh…bloody hell!